Why going abroad is the worst best experience you can have.
Warning-the following is a parody of “why going abroad is the best experience” blogs out there. It is not meant to hurt any ethnicity, sex, age and other bullshit problems of yours. Sit your ass back down and read on.
Firstly, I would like to thank my mother whom I have constantly disappointed and freeloaded for the past 24 years of my life. I would like to thank my sister who freeloaded my big fat ass until now. I love you guys, so don’t kill me.
I never imagined that I will be one of those lucky ones to fly to the land of the Civilised, land of the best education, land of dreams. England.
Ah, yes. England, where women wear chicken feathers on their head and horse fat on their butts! Such class and fashion which basically tells us that we can never do better than them.
And who can forget their tea? Their horse piss of an excuse of delicate tea. It’s a must-try for us all. If you haven’t tried english tea, then you have tried nothing at all.
England has taught me so much. I have never seen so many white people in my entire life! We Bangladeshis worship white skin so much as so that you will even see adds like these in our media!
Great, no? So, imagine my fantasies coming true. It was like living within the lightbulb.
When you move to a different place and live all on your own, it’s like restarting your life. Like a new baby in a diaper full of poop but this time you have to clean it on your own, instead of depending on your mommy who used to clean your grown ass. I took this freedom to get to know new cultures and most of them became my facebook friends whom I stalk all day hoping they would notice me, liking all of their pictures from 2008.
Not just new cultures, but other things too! You have to manage your own money instead of having your daddy dearest to swipe his credit card for your ass! It is such a valuable experience to bust the tables and constantly being reminded that you’re a worthless piece of shit. So, don’t be afraid as life is about experimenting and constantly hoping that you’ll be Bill Gates one dayyou, worthless piece of crap.
And food! What food! There is no food, you, silly little scum. You’ll have to live on those shitty little Tesco’s rice korma and curry cause they are the only things your arse can afford. You’ll never have the luxury to try foods of different culture. Forget French, Italian, Spanish or German. You’ll be lucky if you can afford Indian!
But don’t forget to have fun, as your life will come to an end very soon and you will always wonder why your dreams never came true. At least, you’ll be able to tell your village that you flew on a plane and went to England. So, it’s not all bad. You’re just a poor little dirt sucker.